Words to live and dance by: an occasional series
I meant to publish this post about gratitude two weeks ago, on Thanksgiving. But life and work got in the way of my writing, as they so often do. Which made me feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
It's easy to feel swamped by jobs and careers as well as by the needs and demands of the people in our lives, all of which get in the way of each other and of other tasks that need to get done but seem to eternally move down the to-do list. So it becomes easy to forget to be grateful to have things like people and work.
In fact, I am deeply thankful for the work that I do. First, I am lucky just to have work, and thus food on my family's table and a roof over our heads. But also I am so very fortunate to have an occupation that I love. To get to dance and to teach every day, surrounded by beautiful music and warm embraces, is truly a gift. Sometimes it's also a lot, when I have too much on my plate (as I usually do), when I'm injured (which is most of the time), when financial times are particularly tough (as they have been lately), when I get physically, mentally and emotionally drained by the sheer number of teaching hours as well as the ever-rising demands of planning, scheduling, communications, marketing, managing, finances and, especially, social media. So sometimes I don't remember to feel grateful. Therefore, it's important to remind myself.
Thanksgiving is a good prompt. I am not a religious person, but even if the religious aspect of the holiday doesn't resonate with me, I like the idea of a day centred around being grateful for what we have. (Thankfully, here in Canada, the holiday hasn’t become the commercial monster it is south of our border.) But Thanksgiving only comes once a year. I don't know about you, but I need more reminders than that.
Lucky for me, besides being a tango dancer, I am also a yoga practitioner and teacher. Just about all yoga classes that I take or teach, as well as my own personal practice, include moments of mindful gratitude.
Sometimes when we repeat the same thing every day it can become too automatic and start to lose its meaning, but for me, those daily moments do the opposite. They are true reminders to think of at least one thing I am thankful for. The first things that usually come to mind are: my children and family, and my health and able-bodiedness, which among other things allow me to continue to practise yoga and tango.
As I mentioned, I’m often dealing with some injury or other. Right now, the dominant one is a persistent knee problem that when it flares up can really get me down. Constant pain affects our outlook on life, and for me, worrying about how a persistent or worsening injury will affect my career is anxiety-inducing. But just as life’s frustrations can make us forget its blessings, one injured body part can make us forget about all our other working parts. So while I treat my bad knee with care, I needn’t forget to be thankful for all my healthy joints and muscles, not to mention my heart, lungs, eyes and the list goes on.
Research has shown that gratitude has a powerful effect on our health and well-being. A daily practice can help us rewire our brains from a negative bias to a positive bias, in turn helping us to sleep better, experience more positive emotions and lower levels of stress. Basically, it can boost our overall enjoyment of life.
That sounds good, doesn’t it? It also sounds a lot like some of the benefits of tango dancing.
Speaking of tango, I'm reminded of something that happened last year at this time. During our Thanksgiving Sunday milonga, I made a short speech thanking our tango community and I closed with something like, “Let’s be grateful for tango and all it brings to our lives.”
Afterward, a dancer came up to me and said, "You know, what you said is so true. We should be really thankful for tango." Not just for what it gives us, he continued, but also for what it represents: If we can dance tango, that means we have the health, mobility and socio-political freedom to do so, which is not the case for everyone or in every part of the world.
So, how could we use tango to introduce a regular gratitude practice? Well, don't we already say thank you after every tanda? What an opportunity. As we speak the words, perhaps we could just take a mental pause to make sure we mean them, using the words as a reminder to feel truly grateful for everything the dance brings us: warm embraces, interesting people, beautiful music, exercise, something to feel passionate about. Even if the dance wasn't the greatest, at the very least it was some kind of learning experience. Just about everything in life is. Besides, as complex beings, we are able to feel more than one thing at a time. Why not add gratitude to the list?
For those who have regular partners, on or off the dance floor, their habits and shortcomings can get on our nerves and get in the way of peace, learning and appreciation. So don't forget to say thank you after that dance, even if you don't feel like you mean it. “Fake it till you make it,” one of my tango students likes to say, and it’s not bad advice. Speaking the words even if you don’t feel them in the moment just might remind you to recognize that you have someone to wrap your arms around. And don’t forget that they, too, are putting up with your habits and shortcomings.
Practising thankfulness is very much about not taking the good things, the little things, the useful and everyday things for granted: sunshine, clean water, health, movement, breath, music, a smile, a kindness, our people, human touch.
If a gratitude practice sounds like a good idea to you, why not start now? As you finish reading this, you could take a moment to reflect on one thing you are thankful for.
And the next time you say “gracias” for that tanda, mean it.
