Every dancer should lead and follow

And the two are not as different as you might think

There is a myth among some male leaders that women who learn to lead damage their following skills. I don’t buy it. (Photo of Caroline Demers and Andrea Shepherd, by Blanche Photographe)

One of the best things you can do for your tango dancing is to learn both roles. I become more convinced of this with every passing year. Those who do, regardless of their initial or preferred role, are those who know best how to both express and listen, to give and take – and therefore to connect more completely to their partners.

One piece of advice I would give to anyone trying to learn the other role is: Don’t change your technique when you change roles. Technique is technique, connection is connection. Don’t make your embrace softer or harder, or dance with more or less force just because you are switching from lead to follow or vice versa. By all means work to improve your posture, your embrace, your musicality and anything else you need to work on, but whatever you improve will apply whichever role you are dancing.

What is most different is the mental process of the two roles – leaders need to plan, navigate, and have an understanding of their partner’s steps in a way that followers do not. But, aside from the reversal of the embrace, in the physical body, nothing should really change.

Some people are afraid they will hinder their dancing or get confused by exploring the other role. Sure, you might get a little mixed up at first, as you reverse your embrace and learn the mirror image of your basic sequences, but it won’t last.

Troublesome terminology

Also, don’t get too hung up on the “leader” vs. “follower” terminology. The terms “leader” and “follower” are less than ideal, and I believe that these simple words are one of the main reasons some dancers are resistant to learning the other role. The words have the advantage of being gender-neutral, but they are less than perfect in that they do not convey the complexities or shared qualities of the two roles. Leading and following each contain a good dose of the other already, and the best dancers use both to their advantage. Great leaders are receptive and expert followers are expressive.

Have more fun

Working on both qualities in both roles will likely add one more great aspect to your dancing: playfulness. This is one trait I have found to be omnipresent at Queer tango events and in the role-exchange classes I teach (which are titled “Role Play”). There’s an acceptance and easy-goingness, a willingness to just try things out and be patient with the other person that somehow seems to come through more when dancers are exploring both roles.

My advice is to give it a try. You might decide that you really prefer one role over the other, and that’s totally fine. But at the very least, exploring the other side will give you an understanding of your partners’ experience as well as the challenges of the other role. Consequently you might find yourself dancing with a little more empathy. And who knows? Maybe you will love your new role and continue to explore it, thus doubling your pool of potential dance partners and contributing to the continued evolution of the tango world.

Some teachers teach both roles to everyone from the start, which is definitely an interesting approach. It is not my approach, for a variety of reasons, including the fact that most students who come through the door don’t want to learn both – yet. I’m not convinced teaching both roles from the get-go is necessarily better than the traditional one-role-at-a-time system; both methods have their strong points, and neither is ideal for everyone.

In any case, I think it is generally accepted by most that learning to follow improves leading skills. How could it not? Since leaders need to understand their partners’ steps and movements, it makes sense for them to learn them. To paraphrase a well-known saying, the best way to experience someone else’s reality is to walk a mile in their shoes. And since half of the leading role is about following through on your follower’s interpretation of your lead, following skills are essential for any leaders wishing to hone their craft.

Let’s dispel a common myth

The reverse – that followers will improve by learning to lead – is not so generally accepted. There is a myth among some male leaders that women who learn to lead damage their following skills. Men who say this even claim to have anecdotal evidence to back up their beliefs. Sorry guys, but I don’t buy it. First of all, in general, teachers are among the most highly skilled dancers, lead or follow, and most of us dance both roles. I said this to someone once, and he replied that it doesn’t count, because teachers are pros and therefore somehow different. But just because we’re professionals doesn’t make us less human; we have just honed our skills to a greater extent than many amateur dancers – partly by learning both roles! I know that learning to lead has contributed greatly to my overall dance skills, and therefore to my following skills. I have been dancing tango for 29 years and I started teaching about 27 years ago, so it was about that time that I started learning to lead. About 15 years ago I decided I should really up my game as a leader outside of the class setting and I began to lead more often in social dancing. These days I would estimate that I lead (socially) about 25 per cent of the time. In classes I lead at least as often as I follow, maybe more.

Most experienced leaders will agree that dancing with a passive partner who “just follows” can get kind of boring. Proactive followers who contribute to the conversation keep things interesting. And what better way to learn to be strong, expressive and to take your place in the dance than to learn to lead?

Taking on a new role, like learning any new technique, takes work and mental effort. While you are in the process of learning and perfecting something new, a disproportionate part of your focus is devoted to the new skill, and sometimes your connection will suffer because you are mentally distracted by the new thing you are working on. But this, again, is temporary. It is exactly what all beginner leaders go through: They’re too busy figuring out the steps and trying to deal with navigating the floor to be really connected or really dancing. Once the basics of the role are solid and, perhaps more importantly, once a dancer believes that they know what they are doing, they can let go and focus more on their partner.

And what about those hazardous drivers?

Female leaders often receive criticism for their navigational skills, with some male leaders saying that women are hazardous “drivers.” (Have we really not moved beyond these kinds of stereotypes?) Sure, there are female leaders who are dangerous and don’t respect the ronda, but there are plenty of erratic male “drivers” as well; they just don’t stand out in the same way, because they blend in with the majority.

I guess this is a good time to remind everyone that floor craft and line of dance should not be an afterthought; they are just as important as dance moves. When you learn to drive a car, how to follow the flow of traffic and make safe turns and lane changes are as important as learning how the vehicle itself functions; the same should be true on the dance floor. Regardless of your gender, I say to all leaders: Build your navigational skills and dance with respect for those around you.

Just give it a try

All this being said, some people love dancing both roles, while some have a strong preference for one or the other. I, myself, love leading and have worked hard to build my skills over the years, but I don’t experience the same feeling of letting go as I do when I follow. For a long time this meant I liked to lead but still preferred to follow. Now I’m not so sure. My experience in each role is different for sure: While I relish the sense of abandon in my initial role, I deeply enjoy the challenge of being the one to map out the dance. I still find following easier; it’s definitely my comfort zone, but I can no longer say it’s my favourite.

I am not saying that everyone must master both roles, or dance them equally, or enjoy them equally. But I maintain that we all should experiment at some point, to develop at least a minimal understanding of what our partners feel and need. And who knows: If you try it, you might be surprised at how much you like it.